


arisal

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But It Sure Does Exist, Complicated Relationships, Existentialism, Hurt/Comfort, I Have No Idea What Happened In This Fic, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Melancholy, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Reminiscing, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:40:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: “Just you,” Komaeda echoes. “It’s always just been you.”He’s not sure what to make of the defeated tone Komaeda’s voice takes.(or, komaeda and hinata watch the sunrise and talk about significance, despair, and how everything has shifted, maybe for the better.)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 13
Kudos: 169
Collections: August 2020 Server Gift Exchange





	arisal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amainiku](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amainiku/gifts).



“It’s really quiet, up here.”

Hinata looks over at Komaeda, a sad smile settled onto his pale face, almost glowing in the dim moonlight. His words had come out quietly, tentatively, like he isn’t expecting a reply to them, saying things just to have the taste of conversation in his mouth. The taste of company.

He has company-- him and Hinata have been sitting on the rooftop of the warehouse for God knows how long on what could’ve been a fucked-up date-- but Hinata knows that he sometimes has a way of making himself seem unreal. Heterochromatic eyes, chestnut tousled hair, and yet, nothing.

(Komaeda isn’t much better at it. Feeling real, that is. It’s been months since he’s woken up, and he still looks like a ghost.)

Komaeda’s due for a response, in any case, so Hinata sighs and stares at the sky for the thousandth time, every constellation an imprint in his head. “Yeah. It is, huh.”

The sad smile quirks into something with a  _ meaning,  _ one Hinata can’t exactly discern, at that moment, but could if he pressed himself hard enough. But it’s 6:00 AM, and neither of them have slept, and he’s too tired to draw out analysis from a voidless mind. He’s almost too tired to listen at all, but Komaeda keeps talking and he keeps listening anyway. “It’s interesting, isn’t it? The island is so busy all the time… you can hear birds and wind and  _ people  _ everywhere. It feels like Jabberwock has  _ always  _ been noisy… so it’s fascinating, really, how quiet it is.”

Hinata bites back a remark on how Jabberwock hasn’t always been that way. How, when Hinata was the only conscious person on the island, it was so suffocatingly quiet that he could hardly breathe. Even  _ now,  _ it feels so  _ silent,  _ and Hinata hates it. But maybe that’s just speaking to discontent, how they both perceive it differently but hate it all the same.

He wishes he could know what Komaeda is thinking.

“Hey, Hinata-kun…” he starts back up again, and Hinata forces himself to keep watching the sky, to keep tracking the patterns that he’s oh-so-familiar with. “If someone  _ died  _ on this island, do you think it would be quiet? Or loud?”

“For fuck’s sake, Komaeda.” He can’t stop it from slipping out. “Stop with that shit. Nobody’s going to die.”

“It was so hopeful while it happened, though.”

It fucks Hinata up, knowing that even after everything, Komaeda still believes in that. “It wasn’t hopeful, Komaeda. People died. People got  _ traumatized.  _ I mean, look at the shitshow everyone’s mental health is right now.” Hinata runs a hand through his hair. “None of that was hopeful. You could say it was the opposite.”

Komaeda shakes his head fervently. “It wasn’t despairing, Hinata-kun. Despair was the roots of what occurred, what was- what  _ is  _ in all of us ever since the beginning. What grew from there, the recovery the island is in now,  _ this  _ is hope.” He laughs softly, raspy and gentle, even though the intent behind his words is anything but. “I have to say, I was sort of… discomforted, by the idea that the  _ true  _ mystery behind the Neo World Program was uncovered after my death. Of course, I’m happy to be a stepping stone! But, it  _ was  _ selfishly an annoyance.” Hinata turns to look at him, then, watches his chapped lips form the words, “Hey, if you killed me right now, Hinata-kun, do you think I’d miss another arisal of hope?”

The sun is rising, soon, and Hinata wants to sink into its colors.

“No, Komaeda-” Hinata huffs out a breath, reaches out to grab the other’s metal arm (he takes back what he thought before, amends it. Sometimes, he wishes neither of them were  _ real,  _ can hardly bear the thought that  _ any  _ of this is reality). “You’d be missing a lot, but there’s not… there’s… this is  _ it,  _ Komaeda. This is what we have. This is what we get. Don’t you understand that?”

“I do, Hinata-kun, and I really do appreciate your patience! I understand I am a very difficult person to talk to!” His smile flickers nonetheless. “I just can’t help but think… hope can’t just be this, right? This island? This group of people-- and don’t get me wrong, you all are  _ wonderful,  _ but-”

Hinata cuts him off, “I didn’t think you would want this. To live with a bunch of Remnants of Despair.”

Komaeda pauses, glances away. Then, “No, no,  _ no _ . The despair is stifled, Hinata-kun. There’s so much hope in everyone, now. Can’t you see it?”

“Not really,” Hinata replies. “Because- it’s so easy to relapse like this, Komaeda. You realize that we could all slip back into despair at any moment, right? That killing off despair would be to kill off every fucking memory we have? And I’m not doing that shit again.” He takes a deep breath. Seeing red through red eyes, red flares, red- “Despair isn’t dead, and it won’t be so long as we’re alive. The state of the world away from Jabberwock is still shitty-- Naegi has told me that much. We have to live with the shit we’ve done for the rest of our lives, and pretending that it’s not part of who we are is just going to fuck everyone over.”

The other falls quiet, watching Hinata with a distant look in his eye as the brunet heaves out breaths. He wasn’t planning on saying that much, was just planning on offering a quick objection and zoning out again. But maybe Komaeda needs to hear it. Maybe Komaeda will  _ finally  _ get it.

Ever since they first woke up, Komaeda has been pretending. He pretends that he’s still worthless, pretends that his life is still at risk, pretends that the killing game is still a threat, pretends that everyone around him is either all hope or all despair, no in between. Sometimes, it seems like he really  _ believes  _ it, like Komaeda genuinely thinks he’s still a servant in the middle of Towa City, rotting arms and rusted collars, but Hinata has to have faith in the idea that maybe, somewhere in his traitorous mind, Komaeda has considered the concept that things are different. That there’s at least one person who cares about him, because Hinata cares about him, more than he should. 

That Komaeda doesn’t think he’s going to die again.

But Hinata knows that some of this takes time, that he can’t shove words down Komaeda’s throat and make him believe in every piece of it, that nothing he can really do will change his mindset permanently, that Komaeda won’t suddenly become the person he was back when Hinata first woke up on Jabberwock.

(He misses him, sometimes, misses the Komaeda that called him a tsundere, that laughed softly, that lightly called himself a pessimist before Hinata realized what all of it  _ meant- _

but, it’s like he told Komaeda. This is the Komaeda he has now. They can still have something-- they can still drink soda and laugh and maybe even kiss-- even though neither of them are the impulsive teenagers fucking around on a beach they used to be.)

Komaeda looks lost, still, and Hinata wishes he could reach out and trace his face and put every fragment of his psyche back together in a way that could be  _ understood,  _ but he knows he can’t undo everything Komaeda has experienced, even if it would be for the better. Because  _ God,  _ Komaeda has been through  _ so much,  _ and his expression betrays how shattering the impromptu speech Hinata gave must have been to him. 

When he speaks, it reminds Hinata distinctly of every sunset he’s ever seen. “You’re Hinata-kun, you  _ have  _ to be hope.”

“I don’t have to be anything,” he retorts, too harsh and too abrasive, but correct nonetheless. Still, he’s softer when he adds, “You don’t have to be anything, either.”

“To not be anything…” There’s melancholy in his eyes. “That’s hopeful inherently, right? But… despairing all the same. Or maybe neither. Haha, maybe it’s something I’m too dumb to understand.” He shifts forward just a bit, looking away from the sky and instead at the ground, like there’s something crucial there he’s been missing all along. “Is that the Ultimate Poet speaking?”

Hinata shakes his head. “It’s just me.”

“Just you,” Komaeda echoes. “It’s always just been you.”

He’s not sure what to make of the defeated tone Komaeda’s voice takes.

“Being nothing… I always hated that concept,” Komaeda continues, and Hinata tries to ignore the faint pain in his heart. “I never wanted to be nothing-- I always wanted to be significant. Isn’t that funny? Me, a pebble, a stepping stone for the world, being  _ meaningful.  _ It’s ridiculous, but I wanted it anyway.” He still doesn’t look at the sky, doesn’t look at Hinata. His hands are shaking, and Hinata fights the want to reach out and intertwine their fingers. “Even now, I want to be worthy. I want to sink into every part of this island; I want to be  _ everything.  _ But, all in the same… when I think about Jabberwock being forgotten, everyone here being but a whisper in faded history books and article text… it makes me calm. Don’t we deserve it, anyway? It’s so  _ agonizing,  _ but sometimes, I wish I could have stayed a faceless servant. I wish I could have lived like a hush of wind, then nothing at all. Isn’t that poetic? Isn’t that funny?”

Neither of them are laughing.

“It’s paradoxical, being nothing, being everything. It’s cataclysmic, in the way that everything is. And sometimes, Hinata-kun, it’s so  _ loud,  _ and I think that… that maybe someone on the mainland can hear. Or that there is something in the water, weaved through sand and rocks and coral, murky and muddled and macabre, and it wants us all dead, because it’s  _ screaming,  _ Hinata-kun, and-”

“Komaeda,” Hinata interrupts, finally reaching out to take Komaeda’s hand. There are fresh tears in his glassy eyes and his sharp shoulders shake, and Hinata wants to take him into an embrace and seal both of them away forever. “Komaeda, it’s okay. I promise it’s okay.”

“This can’t be all we have left,” he whispers. “This is a sickening finale.”

“Well, in that case, I’m glad we’re not at the finale, yet.” Hinata scoots himself beside Komaeda, lets go of his hand in favor of wrapping an arm around him, allowing the other to sink into his shoulder. He thinks he knows why Komaeda keeps staring at the ground, but he doesn’t have to think through it alone. Hinata hopes he knows that. “We still have a long way to go, Komaeda, and I’m not letting anything happen to you.”

Komaeda giggles, and there’s a bitter tragedy to it. “I love you, Hinata-kun.”

_ I love you too _ . “I know.” 

He knows he can’t say it. Not yet. That a confession isn’t meant to be some half-assed thing on the rooftop of a warehouse, the sky flickering as colors peak into the horizon. It needs to be careful, a conversation that won’t just end the way theirs did, just now, that he needs to hold Komaeda’s hands and say things slowly and carefully, as many times as it takes. And he can wait for it, he can. 

They aren’t running out of time anymore.

“Okay.” 

“Yeah.” Hinata rubs circles into Komaeda’s shoulder as he looks at the sky. The dark noir color starts to fade into a pale orange, and Hinata can’t help but smile. “Hey, look, the sun is rising.”

“Oh!” Komaeda looks up at the sky, nestling closer to Hinata in the process. “How exciting! I always tend to miss sunrises.” 

Maybe there’s a metaphor, there. 

They watch the colors wash into the sky quietly, violets and peaches and scarlets, and Hinata thinks about what Komaeda said. The frantic words about death and pseudo-poetics and screams in the water. It’s not the first conversation like that they’ll have, talking about hope and despair and rushing into conversations, trying to understand each other in frantic, yearning ways-- and it’s not the last conversation, either. The two of them are still trying to piece everything together, make sense of years that they have lost, years that they lost  _ together _ … and it’ll take time. Hinata can accept that. 

(Komaeda won’t believe him, won’t let him promise this because they both know that he could never believe it underneath all the paranoia and trauma accumulated over the years. But, Hinata isn’t going to give up on him. He’s not going to back down from a conversation, even if he wants to, and he’s not going to let the other disappear. He’s not going to let Komaeda be  _ nothing. _

All he can hope for is that Komaeda won’t resent him for it.)

“It’s so pretty, Hinata-kun…” Komaeda breathes.

“Mm. Yeah.” Komaeda’s face looks nice in the sunlight peaking in, the arrival of dawn, finally. “Hey. I’m glad you saw the sunrise, today.” It’s a bit lamer than he expected, but. “And, uh, I hope you see more.”

“... Okay,” he replies quietly, a faint hum in the dark. 

“Yeah.” Hinata leans further into Komaeda’s touch, as a silent  _ thank you,  _ as a silent  _ we have time, and it’s all suffocating but we have time, and you’re here, and it’s just  _ us  _ on this rooftop and we’re going to be okay.  _ Everything he doesn’t want to say in the delicacy, doesn’t want to sound redundant against Komaeda’s logic-- perfect verse, spaced-out rhyme. So all he says, aloud, is the echo of, “Okay.”

And for all that’s happened, the sun is still there, and so are they.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my gift fic for mars!!!
> 
> i really really hope you like this mars, i'm sorry that it isn't super long (i can write you something else later!!) but i really hope you like it? thank u for letting me write my boys... they are so important to me. you are also just a wonderful person overall :D
> 
> anywya, i don't have,,, a ton to say here? i don't think this is my best work but i still think it's pretty okay, hopefully haha. hope you all have a lovely day!


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